Okay, so recently my friends have decided to come out with their pasts. About what happened to them during their childhood. I thought it was a great idea. Now granted, I wrote this awhile back but never really had the courage to post it or even really talk about it. So here you go..here is the real truth.
First off, this is just something that pissed me the fuck off.
So just to get it out there, I'm Lesbian. Everybody knows, my friends, my family, a few teachers, everybody. Well during my brothers birthday dinner a few weeks back, we were all having a good time. I even invited my friend Stephanie. On the way home in the car, Stephanie commented on how cute she thought a girl was and I simply agreed with her. That's it. But my brother Von just had to butt in and say in a disgusted voice, "So are you still dating girls?" "Yes I am", I replied. Then he basically attacked me, "Well you need to get outta that fucking phase and date some guys, also grow your hair color out, it's disgusting.", he spit with pure hatred. I was shocked and motionless. All I could say was, "Von, it's not a phase if I've been this way since I was a little kid, and I like the way I look..." My eyes immediately started to tear up, thank god I had Stephanie in the car. She reached over my lap and punched him extremely hard in the chest and called him a "Dick." That's when I just started crying my eyes out. I was embarrassed and hurt. The worst thing was, my mom didn't say anything, not a god damn word. So let me give you some background information(this is where I talk about my past.) Ever since I could remember, my brother would beat the living shit out of me, not because I did something wrong, but out of pure pleasure and hatred. He even use to invite our neighbor at the time, Colin. He was disgusting looking. He had a curly Mohawk and brown teeth that he would bare every time he looked down on you. God, I still have nightmares of him. How they use to team up by trying to suffocate me or choke me with a plastic bag or a comforter from my moms bed. The worst by far is when they locked me in the bathroom, I was only 3 or 4 at the time and deathly afraid of the dark. When they finally opened the door, I ran as fast as I could but they caught me. They threw me hard on the ground and took turns hitting me in the chest and kicking me in the stomach. I always tried telling my mom what they did to me, but how could a 4 year old tell and adult that? But when I got older, Von's beatings progressed. When I was in 4th, I was in an accelerated reading group on Wednesdays. I was in a portable with 4 or 6 other kids. We had a very old reading teacher and for the life of me I can't remember her name. Anyways, she started to notice all the bruises on me, and how I'd come to school with faded black eyes or fat lips. She then pulled me aside one day and I told her everything. I confided in her every time my brother hit me. Then one day, as we were reading a book out loud, she stopped and told the entire group what I told her. I started crying. I trusted the old bitch and she ran her mouth. She also did something that I was unaware of. She called my mom, told my counselor and told members of the school board. They had a large meeting about what my older brother had done to me. I didn't even know that happened until this year when my mom told me. My teacher at the time, Ms. Armentrout I think, asked me if my brother had ever 'touched' me. I was fucking furious. He didn't touch me, but he showed me his..... yeah. But still my mom never seemed to do anything about it. Oh and I have a visible scar on my forehead that is about 2 1/2 inches long I've always told people that I was playing with my brother one night and I 'fell' into the door frame. No. I remember so clearly. My brother grabbed me by the hair and shoved me into the door frame ad cracked my skull. Fucking prick. Now I have a life long scar that I have to lie about to everybody. He hasn't layed a finger on me since 7th grade. Last time was when I was 11. I was running from him and he jumped off the back of the couch and stomped on my head. I guess he thought I was dead because he immediately started to apologize for what he'd just done. We don't really talk anymore but he lives with us again. He knows what he's done to me. I can tell he's sorry, but I'll never forgive him for that. Maybe that's why I'm gay. Men have emotionally scarred me all my life. Fuck this is long. Sorry I didn't tell you guys this sooner. Oh and thanks Jess for making me feel like it's okay to let things out.
-Ashli
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